Arrival anxiety…
Looking out at the tarmac as we taxi to our final destination draws out butterflies in my gut and mind. I fumble with my phone to turn on the eSim for both of our phones, and ensure that all my flight necessities are packed and ready to go – so as to not inconvenience other passengers or the flight crew upon our disembarkation. E does his job of grabbing our backpacks from the overhead bin, and I grab our flight-packs. We thank the entire flight crew as we walk down the aisle (since we almost always book our seats at the back of the plane). I lead us to customs, asking E if he has our documents ready for processing, if he needs to use the restroom, or if he needs water. Our phones finally welcome us to the new country, and I start to look at timeframes for transport and checkins. We pass through customs and look for our transport of choice: the metro. Here’s where things could go very right or very wrong.
Before adventuring to a new destination I do extensive research on transportation. What I read and watch help me understand how to maneuver in a new city and what the best mode of transportation is for the locals and for tourists. As we all know, reading and watching does not equate to experience. Most of the time, we are able to figure out how to take the bus, train, or tram; and other times, it’s a struggle. This is the peak of the anxiety hill for me and I can become quite irritable if things aren’t working out how they should (e.g. credit cards don’t work, tickets won’t validate, etc.). This frustration stems from not knowing how to solve these issues and from disappointment for not researching all the possible hiccups that could happen – which is an impossible level of expectation in a completely new place. For me, anxiety always peaks in the space between arrival and grounding – when I’m physically somewhere, but not yet oriented.
I know, I know, the title of this post says, “without stress” – but I think if I didn’t experience these issues, we wouldn’t learn from them in order to have relatively “stress-free” beginnings in a new destination.
It doesn’t end there. Finding our hotel or apartment, checking in – or not checking in, killing time, and sometimes spiraling in my own thoughts before gaining access to our room definitely gives me heightened anxiety. Luckily, E does not suffer from this, and is always cool as a kyūri. Once we check in, access our room or apartment, and put our stuff down, my anxiety typically drifts away. We have just done the hardest part of the trip: getting to our final destination.
Establishing a home base…
After unpacking and nesting in our new home, we go out and stroll within a few blocks of our accommodations. Everything depends on the time of day, but it’s not unlikely that we grab a pastry or some sweet dessert, check out the local grocery store or convenience store, or even have a bite at a nearby restaurant – just to break in the trip. These are the ways we ground ourselves wherever we travel. Even if we are in more remote areas where there aren’t too many amenities nearby on foot, we take a walk to see what we can find. If things aren’t within reach, we learn how far we have to go and what kind of transport is needed to access what we want to experience. This intentional way of getting to know our new home gives us a sense of calm, builds familiarity and connection, and gives us a reason to look even closer the next time we pass by an interesting menu or striking shop.
The moment my body relaxes…
Once realistic distances and timelines are established, a sense of calm comes over me. I am now in the moment. We adapt to how we experience our new home. Our expectations become neutral so that every experience is just what it is: an experience. We try to only control what is in our control, and let the rest fall into place.
At that point, I usually open the same running list I’ve been building for months – saved posts, pinned maps, half-written notes about food, parks, and museums I once thought looked interesting. Not a checklist, just an archive of possibilities. We find the must-dos vs. the could-dos, and play it by ear. Something that we live by is to use social media as an archive of options, not a list to check off. Most travel-related social media posts focus on trends and paid hype – so they are good to use as reference, but not to use for expectations and experience. Unless something needs a reservation or a ticket (like Disneyland Paris in France), or deep planning for access (like Plitvice Lakes National Park in Croatia), everything depends on how tired we are, how hungry we are, and whether either of us feels like moving at all. We read our bodies and our energy levels and select from there. Sometimes, it’s discovering a new park or museum; sometimes, it turns into revisiting places we’ve already visited; and sometimes, it turns into returning home and taking a nap.
Closing thought…
Travel naturally comes with a lot of anxiety. But anxiety is based on novelty. Every new place teaches me that anxiety isn’t a warning – it’s just the body adjusting to that novelty. Once you learn from those experiences, you have more confidence in doing it again. You dictate how you experience your travels, so do it where you let the city and your body guide you.
This piece expands on ideas we first explored in video — slow travel, observation, and letting go of the checklist.